The Dress

This dress haunts me. I bought it a few months back online in pretty much the largest size the company makes. I just knew it would be TOO BIG. Imagine my surprise when my boobs were crushed by the gold lamé and the armholes nearly split.

If I'm going to be honest about it, this was the moment that made me start to think I had to take responsibility for myself and do something to Stop The Fat!

And well, frankly, this is turning out to be kind of… dare I say it… FUN.

But I'm getting a head of myself. Allow me to explain:

Our dear friends from Georgia, the Bensonjews, have invited us to Las Vegas this Fourth of July to witness the renewing of their vows. Of course, we gave the 'rock out' hand symbol and jumped on board that opportunity. I've never been to Vegas, but I suspect I like it. I mean, it's an entire town built on indulgence. What's NOT to like?

So in preparation for this even – and wearing THE dress (nothing says Vegas wedding like gold lame) – I am going to lose 50 pounds before my birthday, which just so happens to fall on July 3. Convenient, I know. But get this. Not only are my sweet husband and extended family being super supportive, but the Bensonjews have also embraced this challenged, as they are fatties too.

Sir Bensonjew, being a very wise and noble Jew, had a brilliant idea – to make this a little competition. He and I are teaming up against Lady Bensonjew and the Aggie to see which team can drop the most. Me and Sir Bensonjew have set our goal at losing a cool 100 pounds between the two of us. Crazy, right? Yes, but also brilliant, as we are some of the most competitive people on the face of the earth.

And you know what else? I'm wearing that fricking gold dress. And I'm going to look hot. Well, hot for a pushing 30, portly, married gal. But it'll in comparison to Today's Momma Pug, the Fourth of July Momma Pug is going to be smoking.

Stand back, you don't want to get burned.