Lakes, Tornados and Babies, Oh My

The county in which I grew up has built a lake.

Actually, not the county. The Feds built the lake. If the county had built it then it probably wouldn't hold water. Or fish. Or have levies. Or possess a myriad of other lake-related things.

So Franklin County has a lake – and Okhissa is its name.

This weekend, Granny and Poppa Pug took me over see the 4,400-square foot creation. It was right at dusk and the beauty of the rolling hills, pines and dogwoods surrounding the body of water was breathtaking.



The crickets were chirping, I was with my family, which I hadn't seen in three months and suddenly all felt right and calm and perfect. As I sat there, I thought to myself: "I'm so grateful God let me be raised by good people, in a warm, sheltered place…"

Just as I was composing a blog of sorts on the importance of heritage and family -- and that one day the Aggie and I could share this place and culture with our yet-to-be children -- I saw this:



Only in sweet home Mississippi do you bring the washer and dryer to the lake with you.

It sounded like a choo-choo train

On my final night with my family -- which was WONDERFUL, refreshing and just want I needed to rejuvenate my soul (have I mentioned that?) -- we were hit with several strong thunderstorms.

My Pops turned the television on to the local NBC station to see if we were under a severe weather warning, so we could determine whether we should go ahead and barbeque under the covered patio or if we should gather all the dogs and cats and get in the hallway under a mattress. (Grilling won out, for those of you wondering.)

On WLBT out of Jackson, Miss., we were greeted by an extremely pregnant "meteorologist" named Barbie, who was not only giving updates on the weather, but also taking calls and answering weather-related e-mails on live TV.

Allow me to share my favorite. (And I swear to God, I am NOT making this up.)

Barbie: We have just gotten an e-mail from Norma Jean in Montecello. Norma Jean says, "Me and six of my babies are in a trailer that's not tied down. What should I do?" Well, Norma Jean, you should definitely ABANDON that trailer. Leave that manufactured home. Perhaps go to a nearby neighbor who's home is brick, or at the very least, wood. And stay there until this passes. If you are in a trailer park, I suggest you leave immediately. But I don't know where you'd go because all your neighbors are in manufactured homes. Perhaps a family member has more stable housing?"

I wish you could have seen the concern on Barbie's face. She was very worried about Norma Jean in that untied down trailer with six of her babies.

Frankly, I was left wondering a couple of things that I wish Barbie would have cleared up for me. First, why in Sam Hill isn't the trailer tied down? Secondly, she said "six of my babies". Does that mean there are more? (Good lord, woman, its vagina – not a clown car.) And third, why are you asking the camera questions. I don't think you can hear Norma Jean's answer if she is screaming them over the sounds of the tornado that is surely about to suck her "manufactured housing" up into a giant funnel cloud.

Also, "Borat" already duped you guys into putting him on live television, which he included in the movie. So putting the super-pregnated weather girl on live television reading e-mails from a concerned mother with six of her babies in a trailer during a tornado outbreak isn't the best way to break stereotypes.

(Cue shaking of head.)

God bless this place that reared me.