Motivation

Well, gentle readers, Stop The Fat! continues onward. And I'm doing okay so far. Not cheated. Not swallowed a single piece of candy in the office. Actually, the thought of eating what I shouldn't hasn't really crossed my mind at all. It's been pretty easy.

I think in the past I haven't had the motivation to do it myself. It's that simple. I wasn't motivated to actually exert the willpower. I was thinking about it today and it occurred to me that I never was really looking at the future before when I was dieting. Oh it's almost comical! I was so busy thinking, "This sucks," that I never considered how glorious the rewards could be.

So what's changed? I guess I have. Honestly, there is one thought that keeps going through my mind. And that is the fear of not being able to live a full life with my husband. Sometimes I feel like my weight has held me back. I can think of one moment in particular – it was our honeymoon and I was so big I couldn't fit on a rollercoaster in Busch Gardens. The Aggie acted like it was nothing. Pretended not to notice and just proclaimed he didn't want to ride after all. He saved me from embarrassment. And while I love him so very much for doing that, I don't think its fair to him to be married to Jabba the Hutt.

The future -- the fragility and uncertainty of it -- are great motivators. There are so many things I've yet to do and I don't want to be trapped by my body, unable to accomplish dreams. Unable to spend 30 years married to my best friend because a heart attack takes me out just after my fortieth birthday. No. I shall not go quietly into that good night. If surgery is what it takes, I will do it. But right now, the casualties are still light and I'm not calling in the reinforcements until I have to.

Now I'm going to eat a salad with my husband and be glad about it.