A Warning To My Healthcare Provider

UPDATE: It has been pointed out to me that it HAS been SEVEN days -- not six! Does this prove I have a brain problem? Or that I wasn't a math major?

Dear Prestigious College of Medicine (you know who you are):

If my MRI results have been lost, tainted or kidnapped by the Taliban, I am going to be soooo pissed.

This is day six and I've nary a peep from my doctor – who ALWAYS delivers test results in a timely manner.

Six days doesn't seem that timely to me. Timely ended day four when I was being driven back to Texas by my wonderful mother.

As you well know, I started my e-mailing campaign on day five. And – much to my utter amazement – have heard: Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

I know. I know. It was probably hard finding my brain. Or... perhaps there was nothing there at all. (I've heard all the jokes. So save it.)

I started calling today and I even managed to be "nice" to the poor souls answering the phones. (Something my momma taught me about catching more flies with honey.) And they were just as confused as I was. It was like they'd never heard of this new fangled procedure called an MRI.

So I ask you publicly, where are my fucking test results?

Sincerely,

The Fat, Surly, Impatient Patient