This weekend I went over to Madge's house to help her get ready for the arrival of her foreign exchange student, a lovely 16-year-old girl from Korea. For the past few months, Madge's family had been engaging in what can only be described as guerrilla warfare home improvements, which were running behind schedule because of two things: Her having to return to teaching a week earlier than anticipated AND rescuing my family from the Toilet Disaster of '08. Obviously, I was there with bells on to help her anyway I could. And I could tell she needed it. It was one of those moments when you know someone you love is about to FLIP THE FUCK OUT. She'd just dropped off her hubs at the airport and Madgette was completely hysterical because HER DADDY HAD GOTTEN ON A PLANE AND LEFT.
The mere fact that Madge had driven 20-minutes out of the way to my house pick up a kennel for her very bad but cute little dog told me that she needed support, even if it was just of the emotional kind. So I hopped in her car and we were off to attack her house by cleaning, organizing and decorating. My responsibilities included two things – laundry and Madgette's bedroom. Now these might not sound like large tasks, but you really would have had been there to understand the amount of laundry we're talking about. I mean, Wang from Foo's Dry Cleaning would have been like: SOWWY, WE NO HAVE THIS IS IN BY 9 OUT BY 5. Cinderella would have said, "Screw it. No prince is worth THIS." It was THAT much clothing. By the time we finished folding and hanging and putting up, we took a short break before Madgette and I entered her room.
Now Madgette's room was a daunting just for the fact that she is five-years-old and been playing in there for an entire summer and because she has enough toys to fill Santa's workshop crammed into one bedroom. In addition to the normal mess, there was a gi-normous box of books still unpacked and sitting in the middle of the room. Since Madgette had been given to me as slave labor, I determined that I'd start by requesting she pull out everything from under her bed. THIS did not go over well, as Madgette was convinced that stuffing things under her bed was how you were supposed to cleanup and my insisting to do the exact opposite was INSANITY. She even went to her mother to confirm that I was in fact NOT a nut job and fully authorized to give her orders. And while I must admit she made a convincing argument -- and may very well be smarter than me in addition to quite the con artist -- I am proud to say that Madge did send her back into her room with an understanding that I was a general and she was private. So we DID remove the contents from under bed.
It was during this process that we discovered that I had lost my glasses. Totally lost them. So I was blind-cleaning, which is really funny considering that I don’t really clean that well to begin with. Ironically it was because of my impaired vision that I failed to notice that there were two gigantic cages filled with hamsters. For those of you who have known me for a long time, know that I HATE rodents. ALL RODENTS. NO EXCEPTIONS. It is an unnatural fear, I admit. Nonetheless, I am paralyzed by terror when I encounter anything from a squirrel to mouse. (Well, perhaps paralyzed is the wrong word, as I once beat a rabid squirrel that was chasing me across campus.)
But I digress.
If I hadn't lost my glasses, I doubt I would have been able to stand being near the monster rodents. At the very least I would have had to cover them up with a blanket. By the time I noticed the critters, I had been with them for hours. HOURS! And they hadn't harmed me in anyway. In fact, one of them named Casey was actually kind of cute. Just a little fur ball – kind of like a Persian kitten. So I reached out – and TOUCHED IT. Twice. And I didn't have a panic attack or catch the plague.
Lets recap the sacrifices, shall we: I cleaned up/did laundry, forced Madgette into child labor and touched a rodent.
And you know why I did those things? Because everyone in this world deserves someone who will drop what they are doing, come on over and rescue from the bottom of the giant pile of crap. Be it a pile of laundry, a caving ceiling in or a bottle of tequila that needs to be pried from your clinched fists. Sometimes you need a friend to remind you of how strong you are. I feel really sorry for people who don't have that or think they do, then find out suddenly, when it matters most, that they don’t.
Oh, and Madgette found my glasses. Surprisingly, they were not under the bed.
The mere fact that Madge had driven 20-minutes out of the way to my house pick up a kennel for her very bad but cute little dog told me that she needed support, even if it was just of the emotional kind. So I hopped in her car and we were off to attack her house by cleaning, organizing and decorating. My responsibilities included two things – laundry and Madgette's bedroom. Now these might not sound like large tasks, but you really would have had been there to understand the amount of laundry we're talking about. I mean, Wang from Foo's Dry Cleaning would have been like: SOWWY, WE NO HAVE THIS IS IN BY 9 OUT BY 5. Cinderella would have said, "Screw it. No prince is worth THIS." It was THAT much clothing. By the time we finished folding and hanging and putting up, we took a short break before Madgette and I entered her room.
Now Madgette's room was a daunting just for the fact that she is five-years-old and been playing in there for an entire summer and because she has enough toys to fill Santa's workshop crammed into one bedroom. In addition to the normal mess, there was a gi-normous box of books still unpacked and sitting in the middle of the room. Since Madgette had been given to me as slave labor, I determined that I'd start by requesting she pull out everything from under her bed. THIS did not go over well, as Madgette was convinced that stuffing things under her bed was how you were supposed to cleanup and my insisting to do the exact opposite was INSANITY. She even went to her mother to confirm that I was in fact NOT a nut job and fully authorized to give her orders. And while I must admit she made a convincing argument -- and may very well be smarter than me in addition to quite the con artist -- I am proud to say that Madge did send her back into her room with an understanding that I was a general and she was private. So we DID remove the contents from under bed.
It was during this process that we discovered that I had lost my glasses. Totally lost them. So I was blind-cleaning, which is really funny considering that I don’t really clean that well to begin with. Ironically it was because of my impaired vision that I failed to notice that there were two gigantic cages filled with hamsters. For those of you who have known me for a long time, know that I HATE rodents. ALL RODENTS. NO EXCEPTIONS. It is an unnatural fear, I admit. Nonetheless, I am paralyzed by terror when I encounter anything from a squirrel to mouse. (Well, perhaps paralyzed is the wrong word, as I once beat a rabid squirrel that was chasing me across campus.)
But I digress.
If I hadn't lost my glasses, I doubt I would have been able to stand being near the monster rodents. At the very least I would have had to cover them up with a blanket. By the time I noticed the critters, I had been with them for hours. HOURS! And they hadn't harmed me in anyway. In fact, one of them named Casey was actually kind of cute. Just a little fur ball – kind of like a Persian kitten. So I reached out – and TOUCHED IT. Twice. And I didn't have a panic attack or catch the plague.
Lets recap the sacrifices, shall we: I cleaned up/did laundry, forced Madgette into child labor and touched a rodent.
And you know why I did those things? Because everyone in this world deserves someone who will drop what they are doing, come on over and rescue from the bottom of the giant pile of crap. Be it a pile of laundry, a caving ceiling in or a bottle of tequila that needs to be pried from your clinched fists. Sometimes you need a friend to remind you of how strong you are. I feel really sorry for people who don't have that or think they do, then find out suddenly, when it matters most, that they don’t.
Oh, and Madgette found my glasses. Surprisingly, they were not under the bed.
4 comments:
We never would have gotten through all that laundry without you! And my cure to Madgette's lack of under he bed cleanliness would have been to pull the comforter over so no one could see it- I was past the point of doing anything else. So THANK YOU again. I cannot say it enough, or that we love you and The Aggie bunches.
I'm so proud of you! Next thing you know, squirrels will be running from you in terror once they figure out they have no power over you. Flee! Flee, I say!
congrats on getting past (if only a littl bit) your fear of rodents.
Now just if i could get past my fear of spiders and escalators.
You said Madgette is a con artist. remember they are all con artists. tree and patrick will learn that soon enough. Asa seemed to master being a little con before he could form sentences.
Sorry L missed out...she was helping me smooth over some stuff. I'm sure the next time you guys need anything she'll be there with bells on...and probably something else. BTW..is L Catfish? and why?...(hoping it's not the obvious reasons)
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