Dear Daddy,
I was shocked to receive your blistering email this week blaming me for your forgetting Mama’s birthday. Just to bring everyone up to speed, allow me to quote your little note:
I am truly sorry you had a brain fart and forgot Mama’s birthday on Thursday, but I think it is hardly my fault that you failed to remember. Also, I really do appreciate that you felt bad that it slipped your mind. It’s sweet -- in its own little way -- that you are remorseful over your gaffe. However, I don’t really see how you can blame myself or my sisters for not “reminding” you of this momentous occasion. After all, you have known her for two decades longer that I have, thus you have celebrated this event roughly 20 times more than we have. Considering that her sister’s birthday is the following day, then you have celebrated their collective birthday season a total of 117 times. I can’t believe that after an entire decade of partying down with the Jones sisters that you suddenly forget. Still, though, it’s not my fault.
In order to prevent future events such as this one from happening again, I will be signing you up for calendar reminders that will go to your email. This will include all major events – birthday, anniversaries and holidays – and will give you daily notification for 30 days before my own birthday, lest you forget the most important of all celebrations. This shall go into effect before your middle daughter’s birthday on Oct. 2. And trust me on this – Fwinney’s birthday is NOT one you want to forget. She is pregnant and hormonal and might have you killed. Are you prepared to die for forgetting your daughter’s birthday? No. I didn’t think you were.
Love,
Your “little shit” – Momma Pug
I was shocked to receive your blistering email this week blaming me for your forgetting Mama’s birthday. Just to bring everyone up to speed, allow me to quote your little note:
Guess you forgot you have a poor ole daddy. Haven’t heard from you in awhile. I have three beautiful daughters that I dearly love. However not one of the three shits reminded me yesterday that it was mom’s birthday. Didn't have a hint till we were picking pecans, walking Pri-Pri and Monkey (the dogs) when I asked, “Heard from any of the three girls?” Yes was the answer. “All three called to wish me happy birthday,” she said. Needless to say I had to do some quick thinking. I told her the love man had something special for her. It could work out. It could happen.First of all. Yuck. I don’t want to hear about “the love man” making visits to my mother. She is sacred to me, you pervert. Secondly, what do you mean “haven’t heard from you in a while?” I called and talked to you the night before you sent this email. Or did you forget that too? And lastly, I know you are going to give me hell about posting your email to me. Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you started a round of the Blame Game. I’ve used this Web site to call people a Pig Whore for much less.
I am truly sorry you had a brain fart and forgot Mama’s birthday on Thursday, but I think it is hardly my fault that you failed to remember. Also, I really do appreciate that you felt bad that it slipped your mind. It’s sweet -- in its own little way -- that you are remorseful over your gaffe. However, I don’t really see how you can blame myself or my sisters for not “reminding” you of this momentous occasion. After all, you have known her for two decades longer that I have, thus you have celebrated this event roughly 20 times more than we have. Considering that her sister’s birthday is the following day, then you have celebrated their collective birthday season a total of 117 times. I can’t believe that after an entire decade of partying down with the Jones sisters that you suddenly forget. Still, though, it’s not my fault.
In order to prevent future events such as this one from happening again, I will be signing you up for calendar reminders that will go to your email. This will include all major events – birthday, anniversaries and holidays – and will give you daily notification for 30 days before my own birthday, lest you forget the most important of all celebrations. This shall go into effect before your middle daughter’s birthday on Oct. 2. And trust me on this – Fwinney’s birthday is NOT one you want to forget. She is pregnant and hormonal and might have you killed. Are you prepared to die for forgetting your daughter’s birthday? No. I didn’t think you were.
Love,
Your “little shit” – Momma Pug
3 comments:
WEEEELLLLL! I thought the asshole had just forgotten MY birthday since I didn't even get a "Hey bitch, how damn old are you???" from my brother-in-law. Now I see he screwed up with the one who REALLY counts toward his well being!!! He is in big trouble on numerous levels. Wife, sis-in- law, daughters...
Auntie
Again, I have to side with the rest of the girls on this. The two week birthday bash covers not only his wife and sister-in-law but also his middle daughter. FOR SHAME! Note to my uncle richard: next year exactly one week after you wish your bride happy birthday, be sure to call your middle daughter. LOVE, ELLEN
I am going to side with the big guy
Things like this do happen at times. It is proven fact that women remember things like birth days much better than men. Take it easy on the big guy. He is probably late middle aged, came up in the 60s, burned a few brain cells and probably still doing it.
Now I am pretty sure he does not appreciate his daughter, whom he always takes up for posting his weaknesses on and open blog. No I am sure the little shit ain't heard the last of this.
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