I suppose everyone has dark and tortuous days. Those mornings when you're driving to work and all you can think is THIS IS NOT HOW I SAW MY LIFE TURNING OUT. To be fair, I have to say that really there is not a damn thing is wrong in my life. Nothing like the gout. Or a basket of dead kittens. Or living next door to Jeffrey Dahmer. Still, there is an urgency that seems to be manifesting in the pit of my chest. Like a piece of me has broken off in there and gotten infected and now it's swollen up to the point of bursting out. But its an invisible infection, not one you can see and so you can't diagnose it, so it just keeps hurting and pressing against your ribs, taking your breath away.
And you know what's the worst part? I know I'm being a total wah-wah-boo-boo and I want to bitch slap myself for it. Do you know how frustrating it is to want to be all self-loathing, yet all be totally sick of yourself? It's practically impossible to throw a proper pity party when your guest of honor is too bored with it all to attend. It begs me to question what one does with herself in this sort of situation. Seeing as I'm someone who likes to hold her shit together and takes 75 milligrams of Prozac a day to ensure that this is the case, I’m thinking that clearly there is only one answer to my mental state and that answer is tequila.
My mama always said that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Well I'm all out of sugar and water, but I got a shot class and plenty of salt. You might call that giving into my demons, but I prefer to look at as ingenuity. I think sometimes you just have to tie one on. And that that time might be right now.
And you know what's the worst part? I know I'm being a total wah-wah-boo-boo and I want to bitch slap myself for it. Do you know how frustrating it is to want to be all self-loathing, yet all be totally sick of yourself? It's practically impossible to throw a proper pity party when your guest of honor is too bored with it all to attend. It begs me to question what one does with herself in this sort of situation. Seeing as I'm someone who likes to hold her shit together and takes 75 milligrams of Prozac a day to ensure that this is the case, I’m thinking that clearly there is only one answer to my mental state and that answer is tequila.
My mama always said that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Well I'm all out of sugar and water, but I got a shot class and plenty of salt. You might call that giving into my demons, but I prefer to look at as ingenuity. I think sometimes you just have to tie one on. And that that time might be right now.
3 comments:
I have been feeling those days a lot lately and if it weren't for the fact that I have to work tomorrow I would be totally up for having some shots. Right now I wish that I could just quit my job, although I don't really dislike it, and move far away. But alas I am 2 months away from graduating so I must wait until at least Dec before I lose my mind and head for the hills!
Come on, Arie. You don't use lemons with tequila, you use limes.
I have always thought that when you make lemonade from those lemons you should feel free to spike that shit!
I can't even start to tell you how "there" I am right now. You're preachin' to the choir, sister.
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