A List of Couples Halloween Costume Ideas That My Husband Has Rejected

I take pride in making my costumes authentic and from scratch. My best effort ever was my 2005 rendition of Strawberry Shortcake. I actually won a real honest-to-god costume contest with that one. That year, the Aggie went as a fighter pilot, as he refused to dress as a fellow member of the Strawberry Shortcake universe. It violated Rule Number Four on his list of Things That Are Deal Breakers In Regards To Costuming.

The list includes:

1. No tights. (This includes but is not limited to ballet dancers, Robin Hood and super heroes that don spandexy type material.)

2. Nothing controversial. (This especially includes politics, religion and race.)

3. Nothing fruity. (As in literal fruit, drag or most cartoon characters for small children.)

4. Nothing that will make going to the bathroom or sitting down difficult or impossible.

5. No skirts, dresses or clothing that might be mistaken in dim lighting by a drunken reveler as feminine. (Such as kilts, togas or monk frocks.)

6. No face paint.

7. No wigs. (Unless it’s a manly wig. Hairpieces – such as mullets – are SLIGHTLY more acceptable.)

As if that's not hard enough to work with, he's added another rule.

8. Nothing Biblical.

Which you might be thinking: Now, Momma Pug, why is this an issue? Why would he add such a rule?

Maybe because I tried to convince him as Jesus and I as a pregnant Mary Magdalene (as in the theory from the DaVinci Code.) I thought it was BRILLIANT. He thought it was BLASPHEMOUS.

Other ideas he has already reject include:

Sara Palin and Barak Obama – Him in drag and me in black face. (Violates rule numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7. I challenged two of those rule violations but he claims makeup is considered face paint and that having to wear pantyhose would make going to the bathroom difficult.)

Pregnant Nun and Dirty Priest – No gender identity issues here. Me as the nun, him as the priest. (Violates rule numbers 2, 5 and 8.)

Raggedy Anne and Raggedy Andy – Okay, after investigating this further, I agree with him that it is a bad idea. (Violates 1, 3,6, and 7.)

Elvis and a Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich – He claimed this one was "too obscure." So I lobbied for Elvis and a Pill Bottle, and though he proclaimed it a "better take" on the idea, he stood firm on not insulting the memory of the King.

Dayman, from Its Always Sunny in Philidelphia – Violates every rule except 8.

So we've settled on Charlie Brown and Lucy.



I know what you're thinking: Oddly appropriate. Right?