I Don't Miss Me At All

I was talking to an old friend today. Someone I haven't spoken to in years and years, but someone that was special to me and I am happy to reconnect with. Talking to that person automatically conjured up memories of the person I used to be. I'd paint you a picture of that Momma Pug, but it would disturb you so much that you would want to eat dinner tonight. So I'll spare you that. Just know that other version of me was a really annoying, stupid girl who enjoyed really annoying, stupid extracurricular activities. She ran with people who didn't have her best interests in heart. People that were selfish and abusive and will never grow up. Frankly, I don't know how I stood myself, much less how my parents managed not to smother me in my sleep.

Talking to my friend today, I realized for the first time how different I truly am. It was like two people meeting for the first time. That's how different we both were, but it was truly wonderful. (It should be noted that Madge has held this philosophy about me for some time now.) She swears I am so different since finding the Aggie. My mother seconds that vote, as well. She told me once that the Aggie "puts that restless part of you at ease." Which is the best way I can describe it. It was like part of me was searching for something that was missing, but I didn't realize it so subconsciously I acted out in self-destructive ways. Or maybe it's simpler than that. Maybe I was just an unmitigated shit. I don't know. All I do know is that I don't miss that version of me one bit. I'm not ashamed of who I was because that helped make me something far more tolerable, but I sure am glad that phase of my life is over.

Life is fuller with my Aggie, my family, my friends, my dogs and my disenfranchised cat.