Momma Pug Goes To The Texas Renaissance Fair And -- Equally Surprisingly -- Doesn't Dress Up Or Fall Down

Remember how I said "Momma Pug Goes To The Texas Renaissance Fair And -- Equally Surprisingly -- Doesn't Dress Up Or Fall Down"???

Well, my dirty mistress -- Irony -- was having NONE of that. Today as I was walking up the tiny, marble stairs to my office, my phone rang. It was 6:55 a.m. and I was still waking up good, so I wasn't paying as much attention to my surroundings as usual. In fact, its fair to say that I was out of it, and when the phone started to ring I didn't fully comprehend that it was a phone ringing in my purse and not, say, a nuclear device strapped to my chest. So I jumped in that startled way people do in horror movies when they discover their roommate's body swinging from the ceiling fan or their dog roasting in the microwave. That's how I jumped. Like Michael Jordan hanging a 3-pointer. Only instead of landing on a court surrounded by adoring fans, I ended up sprawled face down on the tiny, marble stairs.

And I still answered the phone. (It was Madge, by the way.)

So all that talk about going to the Texas Renaissance Fair and NOT wiping out? Pretty much meaningless since the first thing I did was face plant today. So lets talk about what I did at the renaissance fair, which can pretty much be summed up in one word: SHOP. I purchased some really cute spiral earrings. I can't find the exact pair anywhere online, but a similar set can be purchased here. Honestly, the ones I bought were a bit simpler (and I think cuter), but you get the gist.

I also purchased a very plain twisted, spiral ring for my right hand from the same shop. Both pieces cost less than $40 together. I know, GO ME.

Aside from shopping, I pretty much just wandered around and stared at the freaks. Including, but not limited to people dressed as the following:

• A dude without underwear in a loin cloth. He was even barefoot. BAREFOOT, I tell you. Yuck.
  
  
• A centaur. It was a creepy but impressive effort. Madgette was especially taken by this dude and insisted she have her picture taken FROM ASTRIDE HIS BACK. Bless, the horseman's heart, he let her up on him without missing a beat. If I'd thought the poor fellow could have supported my weight, I would have hopped on there with her just so I'd have a picture with a good story to tell.
  
  
  
  
• A girl wearing strategically placed, yet poorly adhered leaves and nothing else. She claimed to be a "wood nymph."
  
  
  
  
• A guy with boobs -- not unfortunate man boobs, but true lady breasts -- wearing deer antlers on his head, eyeliner and wielding a very large sword. I suppose if you are going to be a tranny viking, you better carry something to defend yourself with.
  
  
• But my favorite "character," by far, was this guy:
  
  
  

I shit you not. There was an Imperial Stormtropper at the Texas Renaissance Festival. I don't know about you, but I sure do feel better about myself right now.

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For more on our adventure at the Texas Renaissance Festival, visit The Aggie.