I don't make resolutions. If I did, I would just get pissed off at myself for failing to keep them. Instead, I shall make predictions for 2009. Because if you make a prediction and it does not come true, then you've just proven you're a shitty psychic -- rather than just an abject failure.
Now Momma Pug shall consult her trusty crystal ball:
I see 2009 as the year I shed massive amounts of weight. Either surgically or through sheer will power. I see myself ending this year 100 pounds lighter than I began it.
This will also be the Year of the Dog at our house. Deuce and Ripken will be trained by my dear friend and aspiring Dog Whisperer. (Hi Stacy!)
Sonny the Pug will pretty much be exactly the same. Eat, poop, sleep, repeat. He will still harbor resentment toward the cat. Speaking of...Gertrude will begin working on her own blog, entitled: "I Hate You All And I Don't Even Care." It will become a underground hit and eventually result in the launch of her own line of self-help products. She will then legally divorce us, put a hit out on the pug and move to California where she will spend her days sipping bubble tea and doing yoga.
A cottage industry will be born from the Rag Monsters I have created. It will start by work of mouth but will expand to a Web business. Then we'll forget to pay taxes on it, get sued by the IRS and have the makers of Webkinz steal our product design because we never bothered to patent it. To add insult to injury, my nephews will LOVE the Webkinz version of MY dolls and I will actually buy into the craze. Eventually, my creativity and spitfire will be rewarded when child labor workers are discovered in sweatshops owned by the design-stealers and I will go on Orpah where she and I will hug and discuss how Gayle is JUST like Madge. Book deals will ensue.
And finally, I predict that the Aggie finally gets to have a winning season for ONE of his sports teams. Will it be Texas A&M? The Baltimore Orioles? The Houston Astros? The Washington Redskins? I don't know. I just have a positive feeling that his winning ship is about to come in. God knows, its been out to sea since 1992. (For those of keeping track, that's the year the 'Skins last won the Super Bowl.)
Happy New Year, Internet. May 2009 blow far less than 2008.
Now Momma Pug shall consult her trusty crystal ball:
I see 2009 as the year I shed massive amounts of weight. Either surgically or through sheer will power. I see myself ending this year 100 pounds lighter than I began it.
This will also be the Year of the Dog at our house. Deuce and Ripken will be trained by my dear friend and aspiring Dog Whisperer. (Hi Stacy!)
Sonny the Pug will pretty much be exactly the same. Eat, poop, sleep, repeat. He will still harbor resentment toward the cat. Speaking of...Gertrude will begin working on her own blog, entitled: "I Hate You All And I Don't Even Care." It will become a underground hit and eventually result in the launch of her own line of self-help products. She will then legally divorce us, put a hit out on the pug and move to California where she will spend her days sipping bubble tea and doing yoga.
A cottage industry will be born from the Rag Monsters I have created. It will start by work of mouth but will expand to a Web business. Then we'll forget to pay taxes on it, get sued by the IRS and have the makers of Webkinz steal our product design because we never bothered to patent it. To add insult to injury, my nephews will LOVE the Webkinz version of MY dolls and I will actually buy into the craze. Eventually, my creativity and spitfire will be rewarded when child labor workers are discovered in sweatshops owned by the design-stealers and I will go on Orpah where she and I will hug and discuss how Gayle is JUST like Madge. Book deals will ensue.
And finally, I predict that the Aggie finally gets to have a winning season for ONE of his sports teams. Will it be Texas A&M? The Baltimore Orioles? The Houston Astros? The Washington Redskins? I don't know. I just have a positive feeling that his winning ship is about to come in. God knows, its been out to sea since 1992. (For those of keeping track, that's the year the 'Skins last won the Super Bowl.)
Happy New Year, Internet. May 2009 blow far less than 2008.
1 comments:
Oh, also remember we have to make the list of celebrities who we think are going to die this year. My money is on JD Salinger.
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