Wow. So could we be more annoying if we tried? I'm truly sorry that we've failed to produce the television clip we promised. Rather than lie to you again and swear on my pug's soul that it will air tonight, how about I just put the clip on here for yall to watch once it has aired. Brilliant, I know!
In other news, I am reconsidering my career choice. Unfortunately there aren't any available jobs open in any of the fields I would I like. If you guys hear about the following positions opening up please let me know:
1. Miss America (Throwback to my childhood dream. Either be Miss America or an archeologist like Indiana Jones. The latter dream was quickly abandoned when I was 12 years old I got to spend a week on an actual archeological dig. It totally sucked, I cried and we went home. Turns out I do not like sleeping on the ground, getting dirty or sweating – the holy trinity of archeology.)
2. Queen (Location isn't important as long it isn't once of those piss poor, third-world countries. Pretty much anywhere in Europe will do. England is clearly a preference, just look at all those castles and jewels.)
3. Famed Writer (I first fell in love with Hemmingway, then I learned he blew himself away and I figured that maybe I should branch out a little. So I turned to Fitzgerald who's wife was batshit crazy. Pretty much every author I have ever loved has been certifiable. What does it say about me that even as a child I related to these people? Maybe that since I've already got the mental illness why not just throw creative genius into the mix, as well.)
4. Superhero (Like Superman, not Batman. I want some cool superpowers, not just fancy gadgets. What's the point in being a superhero if you're not actually "super?" You fuck up once and then you're just that weird dude in the bat suit.)
5. Bond Girl. (So I could have a zippy name like Pussy Galore or Honey Rider and do Bond, James Bond. Specifically the Roger Moore Bond. But I wouldn't say no to the any of the others, except Lazenby, of course.)
So if any of these sorts of organizations are hiring, please let me know. I have an impressive resume and will be happy to provide references.
In other news, I am reconsidering my career choice. Unfortunately there aren't any available jobs open in any of the fields I would I like. If you guys hear about the following positions opening up please let me know:
1. Miss America (Throwback to my childhood dream. Either be Miss America or an archeologist like Indiana Jones. The latter dream was quickly abandoned when I was 12 years old I got to spend a week on an actual archeological dig. It totally sucked, I cried and we went home. Turns out I do not like sleeping on the ground, getting dirty or sweating – the holy trinity of archeology.)
2. Queen (Location isn't important as long it isn't once of those piss poor, third-world countries. Pretty much anywhere in Europe will do. England is clearly a preference, just look at all those castles and jewels.)
3. Famed Writer (I first fell in love with Hemmingway, then I learned he blew himself away and I figured that maybe I should branch out a little. So I turned to Fitzgerald who's wife was batshit crazy. Pretty much every author I have ever loved has been certifiable. What does it say about me that even as a child I related to these people? Maybe that since I've already got the mental illness why not just throw creative genius into the mix, as well.)
4. Superhero (Like Superman, not Batman. I want some cool superpowers, not just fancy gadgets. What's the point in being a superhero if you're not actually "super?" You fuck up once and then you're just that weird dude in the bat suit.)
5. Bond Girl. (So I could have a zippy name like Pussy Galore or Honey Rider and do Bond, James Bond. Specifically the Roger Moore Bond. But I wouldn't say no to the any of the others, except Lazenby, of course.)
So if any of these sorts of organizations are hiring, please let me know. I have an impressive resume and will be happy to provide references.
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