Goliad. Not Gonad.

Ahhh. Summertime and the living is easy. Or so the song goes old. Things are finally slowing down 'round here. I think its because we're in the south and this is the time of year that the heat starts getting oppressive. It's so damn hot that that it causes everything to move a slower pace. And the husband and I are soaking up the respite from what has been a hellishly busy couple of months.

We were so relaxed and feeling the lure of adventure that we decided to head out to meet the in-laws in historic Goliad, Texas, and tour the Spanish mission and presidio. Aside from the god-awful heat – it was 101 degrees – we had a really great time. The sites did not disappoint.

We started out at the open-air market that is held once a month around the beautiful, old courthouse. I sat for a bit on a concrete bench under one of the magnificent old oak trees that lined the square. Leave it up to the husband to determine that what I was perched on wasn't necessarily a bench, but a marker telling us all about how that more than leaves dropped from giant branch hanging a few feet above our heads. I was using the town's "hanging tree" for shade and had inadvertently positioned my body directly under the "drop spot."

To be fair, this newfound information was not strong enough for me to move out from under the gallows. It was cool and shady. Frankly, all bets are off when its over 90 degrees. Every man for himself, I say. Eventually, however, I was pried from my spot to go find lunch. If there's one thing that I'll give up my bit of shade for, it’s the promise of air conditioning. So off we went off for a bite at the eatery across the street. I shit you not, the restaurant was called, "The Hanging Tree." Lunch was slow, but good. I didn't mind much because the longer I sat there in the bought air, the longer I could sip iced tea and avoid sweating like Fat Elvis during a Vegas show.

After we left the restaurant of death, we headed out to the historic sites. First stop was at the refurnished replica of Mission Espiritu Santo. Though the mission dates back to the 1720s, it was moved to the present site in 1749. The Civilian Conservation Corps did extensive renovation in the1930s to keep it from falling in. At one time, the mission was the largest cattle ranch in Texas. Now its owned by the National Park Service and if you accidentally wander into the building without purchasing a "guest pass" then they will throw your ass right out. Trust me, we learned this one the hard way.

After having been manhandled by a buxom blond park service Nazi, we opted to not purchase that "guest pass" and just went on over to the Presidio La Bahia. (Interesting point of note: the National Park Service owns the mission/church, but the Catholic Church now owns the presidio/fort. Oddly, the Catholics did not throw us heathen protestants out. Yet the park did. Go figure.)

Anyway, the presidio was by far my favorite of the two. Originally built in 1749 to protect the mission and the frontier, the presidio also played a major role in the Texas Revolution. It was at the presidio that Colonel Fannin and his ill-fated men were held prior to being executed by Santa Anna, that douche bag from the Alamo.

While the Alamo is renowned because of its location in San Antonio and the well-known men that died there, twice the number of revolutionaries died at the presidio. Unlike the Alamo defenders who'd perished just weeks earlier fighting, the men at the presidio surrendered to Santa Anna's army. Expecting their lives to be spared, the men were shocked and horrified as they were massacred. This act of infamy was later recalled at the Battle of San Jacinto with the cry, "Remember Goliad! Remember the Alamo!" (That's where Sam Houston gave Santa Anna his bitch slapping, effectively ending the Texans war for independence.)

I wish that I could report to you that I felt something paranormal at the presidio, but alas the only thing I could really pick up was the heat. By this point it was the hottest part of the day and I'm pretty sure I was having sunstroke. So anything funny I saw can only be attributed to my boiling brain. Even my skinny brother-in-law was feeling it. So I figured if this younger, healthier dude is about to pass out from the heat it is time to get in the car, turn the air on full blast and find something ice cold drink.

And so we said goodbye to the in-laws, promised to meet again under more pleasant temperatures and headed our separate ways. It was then – in the spur of the moment – that the Aggie and I decided to do something really wild and crazy: Drive on down the Texas coast to Corpus Christi with no plans, no worries and no reservations.

Check back tomorrow to find out about my 10-hour long altercation with a 13-year old boy, an ethereal smell and the Aggie's refusal to allow me to "ride the lightning."