Know what's awesome?
Me at SlapFest.
That's right, SlapFest 2009 is currently going on at Casa de Pug. If you're unfamiliar with this, allow me to explain: My husband and I engage in smacking/slapping each other at inopportune times.
For example, while the husband driving down the freeway I was taking a nap. He so focused on the road that he didn't notice that I'd woken up. So I pounced.
SMACK. Right across the kisser.
This elicited an "JESUS! WHAT IF I HAD KILLED US?!?! SLAPFEST IS NOT FOR DRIVING."
And I was all "WHAT EVER MAN, THAT ONE TOTALLY COUNTS."
Then he was all Ruley McRulemaker and tried to parameters on when SlapFest is and isn't appropriate: "NOT IN THE CAR. ON THE FUCKING FREEWAY. GOING 70 GODDAMNED MILES PER HOUR. IN HEAVY FUCKING TRAFFIC."
Nay, I say! SlapFest knows no boundaries.
Well, there is one tiny exception: If one of the two parties engaged therein is of the female sex and the other is of the male persuasion, then the male cannot under any circumstances return full-powered slaps. The male must only use the sort of slap that he would use on a baby's bottom or his mother's cheek.
I remind my love of this as we are barreling down the freeway, my hand print glowing on his left cheekbone.
"Whoa, there cowgirl," he said. "So basically SlapFest is ME letting YOU beat the piss out of me?"
Immediately I brighten, so he DOES get the concept, after all! PLAY IT COOL, Slick.
"No, no, no," I said. "You can tap me. Or mock-slap me. But you're a boy and therefore stronger and it wouldn't be fair play if used all your brute manly strength."
Then I bat my eyelashes. And he's totally taken in by my wildly charms and use of the phrase "brute manly strength." His sight returns to the road ahead and ride in peace for a moment.
We start settling into the kind of comfortable, relaxing silence that comes with being totally at ease with the person you love most in the word. I lean over and kiss his cheek. He puts his hand on my knee and we let the sounds of the road lull us for a while.
SMACK.
"JESUS H.!"
Didn't see that coming did ya, Internet? Yeah, neither did he.
You should totally go over to The Mark Up and ask him about that time during SlapFest that I slapped his sunglasses off his face in the Arby's parking lot. And he was all OH THAT WAS JUST A LUCKY SHOT. YOU CAN'T DO IT AGAIN. And I was all YOU WANT TO BET. PUT THEM BACK ON. And he was all cocky and smirky and totally put 'em back on. And before he knew what hit him I'd knocked those sunglasses off his smug face for a second time. Oh, and that time? Was yesterday. That's right, baby. The SlapFest Ninja was all up in the Arby's parking lot, slapping faces and taking names. Bet you'll think twice the next time you try and order a delightful Arby's sandwich.
Me at SlapFest.
That's right, SlapFest 2009 is currently going on at Casa de Pug. If you're unfamiliar with this, allow me to explain: My husband and I engage in smacking/slapping each other at inopportune times.
For example, while the husband driving down the freeway I was taking a nap. He so focused on the road that he didn't notice that I'd woken up. So I pounced.
SMACK. Right across the kisser.
This elicited an "JESUS! WHAT IF I HAD KILLED US?!?! SLAPFEST IS NOT FOR DRIVING."
And I was all "WHAT EVER MAN, THAT ONE TOTALLY COUNTS."
Then he was all Ruley McRulemaker and tried to parameters on when SlapFest is and isn't appropriate: "NOT IN THE CAR. ON THE FUCKING FREEWAY. GOING 70 GODDAMNED MILES PER HOUR. IN HEAVY FUCKING TRAFFIC."
Nay, I say! SlapFest knows no boundaries.
Well, there is one tiny exception: If one of the two parties engaged therein is of the female sex and the other is of the male persuasion, then the male cannot under any circumstances return full-powered slaps. The male must only use the sort of slap that he would use on a baby's bottom or his mother's cheek.
I remind my love of this as we are barreling down the freeway, my hand print glowing on his left cheekbone.
"Whoa, there cowgirl," he said. "So basically SlapFest is ME letting YOU beat the piss out of me?"
Immediately I brighten, so he DOES get the concept, after all! PLAY IT COOL, Slick.
"No, no, no," I said. "You can tap me. Or mock-slap me. But you're a boy and therefore stronger and it wouldn't be fair play if used all your brute manly strength."
Then I bat my eyelashes. And he's totally taken in by my wildly charms and use of the phrase "brute manly strength." His sight returns to the road ahead and ride in peace for a moment.
We start settling into the kind of comfortable, relaxing silence that comes with being totally at ease with the person you love most in the word. I lean over and kiss his cheek. He puts his hand on my knee and we let the sounds of the road lull us for a while.
SMACK.
"JESUS H.!"
Didn't see that coming did ya, Internet? Yeah, neither did he.
You should totally go over to The Mark Up and ask him about that time during SlapFest that I slapped his sunglasses off his face in the Arby's parking lot. And he was all OH THAT WAS JUST A LUCKY SHOT. YOU CAN'T DO IT AGAIN. And I was all YOU WANT TO BET. PUT THEM BACK ON. And he was all cocky and smirky and totally put 'em back on. And before he knew what hit him I'd knocked those sunglasses off his smug face for a second time. Oh, and that time? Was yesterday. That's right, baby. The SlapFest Ninja was all up in the Arby's parking lot, slapping faces and taking names. Bet you'll think twice the next time you try and order a delightful Arby's sandwich.
5 comments:
geeze!! The amount of abuse this man takes!!! LOL dish it out girl!!
if yo mama did that to me it would earn her a nice spanking.
popeye
I know Popeye doesn't expect any of us to really believe that comment!! Sounds to me like you are cheating on the amount of force you are getting and giving. But maybe the Aggie likes it rough....
I am totally of the belief that men like the playful spanking, so sorry Marky, I agree with mommapug on this one (shocking I know). He likes it, they all do! H.
Don't worry, vengeance will be mine in the form of more baseball memorabilia and increased required attendance at A&M football games. So how THAT delightful Arby's sandwich tastes..
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