Dear Momma Pug,
Looks like this blog is finally dying out. The world thanks you!
Signed,
The Pig Whore
She's back, yall! It's been months! I thought Pig Whore had forgotten all about me. But she didn't. She still thinks of me. And THAT. THAT makes me want to write a 10,000-word diatribe about how much I love writing things that annoy the Pig Whore. Puppies, kittens and unicorns! And PUGS, yall!
Oh, Pig Whore, I've been depressed. Kind of broken because we lost our beloved Sonny the Pug. But YOU have managed to bring me back from the brink and made me want to write. About things you hate! Like fat people, being successful – YAY Gabourey Sidibe!!! I haven't seen her Oscar-nominated performance in "Precious" yet, but I love her already. She told a reporter on the red carpet that if her Oscar "dress where porn, it'd be the money shot. And you know it."
OH, I LIKE HER!
She's nearly 400 pounds. She's smart, beautiful and sassy. And she makes me want to BURN Hollywood to the ground. There was an entire CNN story dedicated to her OSCAR NOMINATED PERFORMANCE that said, essentially, she's a one-shot-wonder because of her size. "They do not hire women like her for lead roles," the story said. That means they don't hire, beautiful, smart, FAT women. Well, just because they don't, it doesn't mean they shouldn't. Fuck you, CNN.
Anyway, this is a bit rambling. As you can tell, I'm in a mood. I just wanted to say YES, I've been gone a while, but don't give up on me. I might be what you want or expect, but who knows, Momma Pug might be what you need.
6 comments:
LOVE LOVE LOVE it...
good to hear from you. i miss the updates. love you
Middle sis
i had almost forgotten about Pig Whore!
I thinks she secretly loves your site and she just can't admit it to herself. I think she sits at home and just waits eagerly for you to update your site in between her "gentlemen callers" or as her children call them 'uncle'.
I bet she curls up at night with her insecurities, a pint of Haagen-Daz and one of your ragmonsters she purchased on line to keep her warm at night because as everyone knows nothing makes you feel as secure as reading someone else's insecurities, a pint of your 40% recommended daily allowance of fat and a $10 plush toy.
I bet she even calls out your name in her sleep. Hell she might even make her "gentleman callers" call her 'mommapug' when they are making sweet lovin'. perhaps Mommapug is their 'safetyword'.
And Pig Whore,
go ahead eat all the Haagen-Daz you want because the world is yours! You can do anything you want (except re-grow your tooth enamel) because the world loves skinny people right?! You have no worries as a skinny person because the sun sets and rises out or your asshole or is that all of the laxatives you take to maintain your unhealthy body image?
Have a nice day.
all the best,
Everette
I HEART EVERETTE!
OH Pig Whore, not your stupid ass again!? This blog ain't goin' no where bitch! How about yot Tell us what YOU like, what makes you enjoy your little life, what you do that involves intelligence and the ability to make others laugh and oh yes think? What? You don't know how? Now that's a surprise for someone like you. Where is YOUR blog, piglet? Scared to put yourself out there for comments? Like to hide behind the anonymous button?? Why don't you nut up and write your own blog. We'd all like to read it!!
So it took Pig Whore to make you write again? Not your wonderful, loving family? I feel so loved! Haha! Love, H.
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