Murphy should be my middle name

About six months ago I was at Madge's house with my 70-pound lap dog Ripken. To say Rip is a bit of a wussy would be an understatement. That dog has a long and sundry list of phobias, including but not limited to: children, bunnies, sounds, raised voices, kittens, butterflies, infants, his own shaddow, musicals, cartoon characters, wild flowers, puppies, getting his feet wet, grass, trees, clouds, leaves, birds, Jehova's Witnesses and Girl Scouts.

He is not, however, afraid of ax murders. Unless they are wearing a bunny suit. Which, really, who could blame him for that?

Ripken might be afraid of everything imaginable, but the flipside to this is that he is incrediably sweet and loving. And will never be violent or aggressive. Basically, he's a tree-hugging, hippy pacifist vegan that enjoys yoga, herbal tea and folk music, but is living with a family of canibals. I feel sorry for him.

But I digress. My point? He is such a pussy that he would make the Cowardly Lion seem butch.

Anyway, we were at Madge's where he saw her pups using a dog door and a light bulb went off in his head and he was all I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT TOO, YALL! Then proceeded to show us by becoming wedged inside it sideways. Hmmm, so maybe this would make him realize he's not a teacup poodle? No. In fact, he became more determined to fit threw that tiny door. Eventually he was hitting it with such force that the WALL SHOOK. And Madge was all, "let's just prop the door open. I don't think our homeowners insurance policy covers this."

Sooo, finally we buy and install a dog door. During the installation of which, Rip hid under the couch cushions. Finally, it's all finished and ready to go, but Ripken is UNINTERESTED. No door for him, move along nothing to see here.

Being used to his raging case of Fraidycatitis, we move on to the other two dogs. But unfortunately we are met with resistance. Deuce is all, "I'll just poop on the floor" and Gibbs is all, "hahahaha! Let's chew it."

So that's zero dogs out the doggy door.

Just when we think hope is lost, we hear rustling at the door. One of them is using it! Or atleast trying! And if one uses it the rest will follow! Yipee! Hooray! Thank god! It's a miracle!

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. All the dogs are here with us. Who in the hell is going out the dog door. Oh, of course! It's the one animal who shouldn't be using it! The effing cat!

Now isn't that just aces? Basically we've dug the escape tunnel for the inmate. Good job, us.
-- Post From My iPhone