Time Keeps On Slipping Into The Future

Yesterday I spent half an hour trying to figure out the time difference between Central and Pacific Standard Times. There's a really important phone meeting I have tomorrow and I wanted to make sure I was there at the right time. Much to my chagrin, people on the West Coast set the time. And suddenly all that education I am still paying for became completely useless and I forgot how to tie my shoes.

So I started googling. That led me to an online "time zone converter." Which was awesome, ya know, for people who understand Zulu time. Which is like Military time, only for aviators. And I know that because I had to thoroughly research that in order to move forward. Seriously, though, why would they put it in Zulu time. IF I CANNOT FIGURE OUT THE TIME ZONES IN REGULAR OLD STANDARD HOURS AND MINUTES, WHAT MAKES THEM THINK I'M GOING TO KNOW SHIT ABOUT ZULU??? I suspect this is the product of the same people behind anything you buy at Ikea and put together with an Allen wrench.

Anyway, by the time I figured out what Zulu time was, I had convinced myself that there was daylight savings time mixed up in there somewhere too. Because? Why the fuck not. Apparently I'm time zone dyslexic.

Just before that tiny little vein in my forehead exploded, I literally phoned a friend. And not just any friend – someone who lived on the west coast for number of years and would KNOW these things. And then they tried to logically explain to me how to figure this shit.

Them: Count backward two hours for L.A.

Me: But my meeting is with people in San Francisco.

Them: It’s the same time zone, dork.

Me: But there's something about daylight's saving time.

Them: Arizona doesn't observe DST.

Me: DST???

Them: Jesus. Just answer your phone at 6 p.m. your time. I have to go now, my head hurts.

Did I miss like an entire week of third grade when they taught us this? I don't think so. My mother was a teacher and my best friend's dad was principal. Not a lot of hooky getting played when you hang with the warden. I think this is some Mississippi schools bullshit. Like how evolution "doesn't exist." Thanks for nothing, Franklin Elementary School. I'm pretty sure its your fault I can't spell for shit either.