Eye-rate

Hey, remember that time the doctor called me "girlfriend" then stuck a needle in my eye?

Wait. My bad. That was today.

You know you've got a certain reputation when you walk up to the receptionist at the doctors office and she replies: "Oh, it's you again."

This was followed by the nurse exclaiming: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!? WHAT DID YOU DO???

That's when I knew the best case scenerio that I'd been hoping for wasn't going to happen.

So my nose is better and the infection is mostly gone from my cheeks, upper lips and nose. My right eye is okay too, save for a tad bit of puffiness. But all that progress was overshadowed by the THING growing on my left eyelid.

As I was about to learn, infection cannot go away unless the puss is drained from the abcess. And do you know how they do that? By lancing it! With a scapel! Which isn't so bad because they almost always numb you first. Except guess who couldn't be numbed because of the location of the infection AND traditional lancing would not work because of tear ducts being compromised!?

So I lay very still while the doctor pierced my swollen, infected eyelid with a giant syringe. I had to use every muscle in my body to not kick the doctor in the nards.

Meanwhile, my husband could not contain his excitement, as this was like getting to witness the popping of the most awesome zit ever. So he took pictures.

The really awesome, really Asian doctor warned me to be motionless. You know, because he was poking my eye with a fucking needle. And then says, "brace you self, girl friend, this gone hurt."

And one prick later I'm motionless, but have forgotten how to breathe and lost control of my bladder.

Thus concludes the second act of "Eyepocolypse Now." The finale is scheduled for Friday, when I return to the doctor for a third time this week. I can't wait to discover the new ways I'll be traumatized.

-- Post From My iPhone